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When she was at home, she was always exhausted. She never refused me sex, but it was no better than necrophilia, and gradually I stopped bothering. I deeply regretted selling the house in Tiburon because I would have surely gone there. I doubt very much that separation would have shocked her into change, and divorce would have inevitably followed. I find myself wondering if that might have been best. But such thinking is futile. I did sell the house. I did stay in Cambridge. And we did stay together, if peculiarly. My life become one of memory and fantasy. Memories of days, nights, experiences, with Julie and Anne, and other women, some of whose names I could not even remember, some of whom I was surprised to realize I had known twenty or thirty years earlier, were incomparably more vivid than Lynn’s infrequent, wraithlike presence. I masturbated to those memories considerably more than I had sex with my wife. And I masturbated to rented videos, seeking out those which featured. The plan for Christmas day was that after we had eaten breakfast, we would go up to my parent’s place, open more presents there with my family, and have lunch; then we would come back and have a second meal around dinner time with Lisa’s family. I could see special days like Christmas being a challenge in the future; when we were able to have everyone come around to my place for a big celebration that made things easier. But with two families to contend with, and family members having other people to see and spend time with, it was starting to be become a logistical nightmare.The day worked out well, we had an enjoyable lunch with my family; my relatives from Cowra – my Grandmother, Aunt, Uncle and cousins - were there; since they had been in Sydney for the engagement party. Then it was back to Lisa’s family, for even more food. All in all, an enjoyable day; far too much food, but that’s only to be expected.Boxing Day we drove up to the Earle’s place at Newport; I was once again going.
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