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On the surface it was an odd choice. She had grown up as a hippie. She had matured as an academic. In her personal life she didn’t appear to make decisions about how much to compromise. She felt no need to play by social rules. She would tell you how she felt and explain why it was okay. She showed no disapproval of your way or think any less of you for it. It was just how she was and she was sorry to make it difficult for you. She had to play those games in her career so she not only had that experience, but understood the rules. Despite removing herself from those situations as much as she could, she seemed to have a good understanding of how to navigate them. It wasn’t like I had a large group of people to choose from, but I would probably get good advice from Sunny. I took her aside as the shower was winding down. ‘I’m not sure what I want or how I feel. I am sure about some of the things I don’t want. I’d like some help figuring out what I want and how to get it.’ ‘If that’s all. But being nasty isn't helping. It makes me want to defend him, and then I realise I don't want to defend him, and then I get all tied up in knots thinking about it. I'd rather not think about it, if it's all the same to you. So please. Give it a rest."She sighed. "Fine. I'll just go back to avoiding him." Her expression said she was contemplating setting him on fire."I think avoidance would work, yes."Leliana, Zev, and Wynne were far more interested in talking about me and my former love life, than anything else. I didn't linger long – it hurt too much, and I had no desire to dredge it all up. I assured them all that I was fine.It was a lie, and we all knew it.I couldn't mention that he'd spent the other night holding me. I still didn't know what to think of that. Was it guilt? Did he feel responsible for me Joining? Morrigan had blamed him for me going through with it. We'd avoided talking since then, and I had no plans to change that anytime soon. I just didn't not know how to.
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