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I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says:"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six activists, and a rabbit."The man being interviewed asks, "Why the rabbit?" Excellent!" says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"From the 'Shy One'Performance Evaluation. I'll cling to ghosts after you leave, the tangible ones first because their tactile existence is temporary. Mutual body heat still trapped beneath an ocean of blankets. A body's slight indentation imprinted into the mattress and pillows. A few stray locks of hair that summon memories of my fingers running through them so patiently, like I was just beginning to learn the subtleties of an intricate and mysterious instrument.My arm will reach over and my palms will lightly trace the imprints your body created, absorb the fleeting pockets of warmth left behind.I'll still be able to breathe you in. Your hair, perfume, skin, the aroma created when our bodies joined in the dark. I'll breathe us in, even though it's almost too much for me to take in sometimes.I'll cling to the intangible ghosts between us. The things we can't seem to say. How lonely I always am. How we've hurt each other before. How even though I do love you, a part of me is terrified that this is as far as you can ever let.
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