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As I rubbed the dry white skin on my hands after I tied up to the town dock in Elizabeth City, and swore I’d try to take it easy for a day or three. Because I’d been running down the coast so very quickly. Why? I asked myself. Why did I feel I needed to run now? There was, after all, no one to run away from. Indeed, the only companion I had now was my shadow, and even he left me from time to time. So, what was I running from? Why couldn’t I enjoy myself, enjoy this precious time? This time that had been, in effect, stolen from Ruth and I. What was the point of making this — journey? — if all I was going to do was fly by the shadows in a blind rush. What was the point if I didn’t get out and explore all the hidden creeks and little, out of the way places that had always passed us by? Would I spend the rest of my life in dark corners, because I was so afraid? Could I still accept that their was some purpose in life? To the idea that there was something beyond that which had been given. "I moved past Carly's outstretched hand, took her face in my hands andkissed her passionately on the lips. A part of me was shocked at myactions but the majority of my brain just had to have this amazingcreature. I could feel her hands caressing my body and her hot tongueexploring my mouth. I savored the feeling of my breasts pressing againsthers and the feeling of her incredible body under my wandering hands.I felt a pinch in my upper arm. My mind began to clear and I was aware ofSara's voice again, calling my male name."John! John!! Snap out of it, playtime's over." Sara was pulling me awayfrom Carly.I was suddenly aware of what I had just done and felt horribly guilty. Itook a forced step back and hung my head in shame for attacking thiswoman."I am SO sorry. I have no idea what came over me, you're so beautiful Icouldn't stop myself. That's no excuse but..." I tried to explain myself."Oh, stop. You're not exactly unattractive yourself. But It's part of mychange. I just wasn't.
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