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We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"So the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.Tarzan & Jane are swinging through the trees one day, with Tarzan repeatedly making his jungle call.Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"So, I sent. I lucked out. I had a friend in school whose parents helped me find a job, put me up in their garage apartment, and mentored me until I was able to make it on my own.’ ‘You were fortunate, Billie,’ Eleanor said. ‘What happened to your mother?’ ‘I’ve never found her.’ The older woman heard the pain and emotion in the four words. ‘But you keep looking.’ ‘No, I don’t really look anymore.’ Eleanor stopped the car in her driveway and turned to her friend. ‘I don’t know if I could come through those challenges as strong as you did.’ ‘You do whatever you have to without really thinking about it, you know?’ ‘Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a fresh day. We’ll start over then.’ ‘Good night, Eleanor. Thank you for helping tonight.’ They parted—each deep in thought, neither paying attention to the Christmas lights sparkling along the street. Billie went inside and began making calls. It took all night to accomplish her goal. She fell asleep as the sun rose. Eleanor hadn’t heard from Billie by noon.
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